Throwing Books Out

There's a pile of books in my bedroom. They are mostly books my mother has already read: we both like thrillers and mysteries. She reads a lot faster than I do (mostly because I got hooked on computers and the internet at age fourteen and now only take time to read actual books before I go to bed, but I swear I used to go through them really fast), so this pile of books is ever-growing. It is a backlog. There are many. They are legion.

On my bookshelf, meticulously custom-built by a very handy neighbour to be so shallow as to only hold paperbacks, there are books I have read more than once. I cleaned out a big batch the last time I rearranged my bedroom to only contain multiple read books, but now there are clingers. There are books adding up, getting wedged onto the shelves. I'm really not sure I'll read The Magicians again, but it's on the shelf, stacked on top of two volumes of the Harry Potter series (have read multiple times, will probably read again). Next to that, Library of the Dead is sandwiched between On Stranger Tides* (will definitely read again) and the short story collection Fragile Things (should read again, don't recall what's in it). I don't think I'll bother reading Library of the Dead again, but it's there, cluttering up the works. I do not want to get rid of it. I do not want to get rid of any of the books. I do not want to donate them. I want to horde them forever.

Not all books, mind you. I finished one called Sizzle that I disliked so much I've been stalling on adding it to the 'books read' sidebar over to the right there. I could drop that sucker into a recycling bin, no problem. But MOST books... they linger.

I am reminded I must weed by a post by someone named Tom O'Hare in Brutish & Short, found while I rummaged about the interwebs for something to post about.

I realize that I use this weekly space to talk about my personal life too much, and I frankly don’t care. Because today, before I disclose the most wonderful things you missed on the blog this week, I would like to discuss books. And I would particularly like to discuss the newfound joy I feel when I throw books the fuck away.

I can't help it, I enjoy a foul-mouthed discussion. It's funny, read it over, think about the books on your shelf (or piled next to your dresser) and remember:

...Books are just words written on paper. They’re not fundamentally different from blogs or newspapers, except for the fact that both of those media lend themselves quite a bit more easily to the process of a) consumption and b) immediate disregard. In other words, you buy a book and you’re expected to keep it. Even after it’s gotten all of the use it’s ever going to get, you’re expected to keep it. Display it. Put it on your bookshelves and watch the gawkers gawk. Even if 90+% of those books will never be touched again, we feel a compulsion to hold onto them. To forefront them. To amass them, even though nobody will ever read them again.

* On Stranger Tides has nothing to do with the Pirates of the Caribbean movie that recently came out. Or, I suppose, very little to do with said movie. They bought the license essentially because the book and the movie shared two plot points: Blackbeard and the fountain of youth, and I guess they were trying to cover their asses or something. But anyway, read On Stranger Tides, because it is a wonderful book and I quite like Tim Powers.

Gaga the Librarian

I was trying to think of what to say about Lady Gaga's statement that she is like a librarian of glam, but thankfully The Annoyed Librarian did the work for me, making a list of the top 5 reasons Lady Gaga is not a librarian. Here is the first:

1) She can’t possibly be a librarian because she doesn’t have an ALA-accredited MLS. How dare she make such a claim! We all slogged through tedious courses with lots of group work for an entire year to make that claim, and she thinks she can can make it without that? People without MLSs saying they’re librarians are like people who aren’t God saying they’ve written the “bible” on something. It’s just not right.

Buttersafe: How Not to Use a Thesaurus

Oh, Buttersafe. You so crazy.

My First Dictionary

Today's loosely library related link is My First Dictionary, which makes me laugh because I am just that kind of person. It looks a lot like the simple dictionary I had as a kid which had illustrations demonstrating the meaning of words. The format is similar, but the content is not.

As you can see, the font on the images is pretty large, so maybe don't look at the site with someone looking over your shoulder who might be offended by terms like 'dead hookers'.

Superman in Four Panels

Superman in Four Panels by Ty Templeton. My favourite part is the bit about the monkey (not anymore).

Scurrilous Amazon Reviews

Back to another of my favourite topics, online book reviews! Some Amazon reviews get attacked by paid hackers.

It all started when Rosie Alison’s novel The Very Thought Of You, was nominated for the Orange Prize, a prestigious award given to women authors in the united Kingdom whose books are passed over for other prizes. Alison’s book had not only been passed over for prizes but for any attention at all. But all that changed when the nominee list was announced: suddenly The Very Thought Of You was assailed by a barrage of nasty reader reviews on Amazon. “I feel cheated!” “One of the worst books I’ve ever, ever read.” “This book is so irredeemably awful that I didn’t get past page 58.”

Book Smelling

So now smelling books and keeping track of what they smell like is art. (The New York Magazine goes into more detail.)

I would like to propose that is not art but rather a hobby. See, it's funny if you consider it a hobby, but it's just annoying if you consider it art.

I was amused by one of the comments on the LISNews post:

this is completely unscientific. she omits all types of metadata that a librarian would include.
how long did she sniff each book?
did she sniff a random page or the inside cover or page 23? and "paper-y" in place of "paper"??? is that like saying a book has "around 200 pages"?

How would you even decide which page to sniff in a scientific manner? Page 23? Halfway through the book plus one page?

John Allison On the Danger of Releasing Librarians Into the Wild

John Allison writes and illustrates some of my favourite webcomics over the years. He started with Bobbins, moved to Scary-Go-Round, and is now working on Bad Machinery. Characters have carried over from one comic to the next, sometimes supporting the new cast or, in the case of Scary-Go-Round, pretty much replacing the new characters. The guy is funny and his art has changed so much over the years. Looking at it makes me wish I'd kept up with drawing, or had one good webcomic idea I could've used to practice drawing characters that always looked the same. Anyway, I love Mr. Allison, and it was like a little Christmas to see he'd made a post in his blog about library troubles in the UK. (Mr. Allison is very British.)

Mr. Allison's art style has changed a lot over the years; I really love how his work looks now. His style is very distinctive.

Now go read Bad Machinery, it's brilliant. I think one of the best things to be in the world would be being one of John Allison's characters (it is a very difficult goal to achieve).

Our Puny Human Brains

Ken Jennings writes about his experience playing against Watson, the IBM computer, in Jeopardy.

One part that made me laugh:

Watson has lots in common with a top-ranked human Jeopardy! player: It's very smart, very fast, speaks in an uneven monotone, and has never known the touch of a woman.

Swinging this back around to libraries, I don't think librarians will be replaced by computers any time soon. I want to know how well Watson would do bibliographic verification is what I'm saying here.

Incidental Comics: The Library

A couple of cute comics over at Incidental Comics:

The Library

Confessions of a Book Fiend

Digital Magazines Take Too Long

I could pretend I didn't post yesterday because I was off doing romantic Valentine's Day things, but really, I wasn't. My Valentine's Day take totaled one Pokemon Valentine from a classmate ("You're fun!"). And some free chocolate from a certain teacher passed around in a really adorable bag. But anyway!

This article from the New York Times amused me: Nick Bilton decides to hold a bit of a race - which can he get faster, a digital copy of a magazine or the print version. The winner may surprise you, but I have to wonder about how crummy his internet connection is. (I guess that was a spoiler, but then, so is the title of this post.)

The Lisa Simpson Book Club

And now for something silly:

The Lisa Simpson Book Club, a tumblr dedicated to all things read by Lisa Simpson.

This one was always a favourite, but Lisa's reading list is generally much more impressive.

Bonus: three Coreys! I almost used the 'good clean fun' tag until I remembered this thing is on tumblr. WATCH OUT FOR TUMBLR, PEOPLE.

Your Favourite Book in Four Panels

Sadly, the contest is closed now, but CBC Canada's All in a Day radio show asked for people to send in summaries of their favourite books in four panels in honour of Jeff Lemire, one of five finalists in the Canada Reads contest. His novel, Essex County, is the first graphic novel to make the finals. The article shows a few entries; I wish they'd had more. My favourite was The Great Gatsby as rendered by Ian Martin, 17.

The facial expressions are awesome. I love the panel where Gatsby demands Daisy look at the money he earned so as to win her love: "LOOK AT IT". The hand drawing and (lack of) punctuation remind me of Kate Beaton, whom I apparently pimp out at every opportunity.

LOOK AT IT

Better Book Titles

Also nabbed from Miss Kathleen at Mentalfloss: Better Book Titles!

This blog is for people who do not have thousands of hours to read book reviews or blurbs or first sentences. I will cut through all the cryptic crap, and give you the meat of the story in one condensed image. Now you can read the greatest literary works of all time in mere seconds!

Some of my favourites:

90-Second Newbery Award Winners

There is a contest for filming 90-Second versions of Newbery Award Winners. If it's at all as wonderful as this version of A Wrinkle In Time, I'm all for it.

"A Wrinkle In Time" In 90 Seconds from James Kennedy on Vimeo.

"I'm Calvin O'Keefe! I'm popular... but sensitive. Only I understand just how special you are, Meg!"

Oh, Calvin O'Keefe.

Lone Wolf Fruit Shop Talk

Stolen from The Proverbial Lone Wolf Librarian:



Oh, British humour. How I love you.

Weird Library Requests

Weird library requests!

Personal favourite: "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?"

Weird Libraries

I just want to go to bed but I still have to make a library post and make tomorrow's lunch. So here goes: Huffington Post's Weird Libraries!

Of special interest: Conan the Librarian, the Silent Library game show, and one bit about how crazy it is that librarians have piercings and tattoos and are cool. We were always cool! At least our moms thought so, anyway.

Protective Literature

If you can't spend under three minutes watching, you were best off with 'Witz', though one commenter pointed out the books 'would be constricted under a coat' while the books in the video just flew open. Another stated they should have tried Mark Twain's autobiography, too. Me, I was sold with the jaunty declaration, "Let's shoot some books!"

Maybe that's not the best thing for a wannabe librarian to be amused by, but really, it's for protection, folks.

From LISNews: Computers in the Library - Stamp Them Out!

Via LISNews, in full, but here is a link anyway:

Computers In Libraries: Stamp Them Out!
December 13, 2010 - 1:04pm — Blake
"It should be stamped out '...the computer is not for library use; that all the promises offered in its name are completely fraudulent; and that not only is it extremely expensive compared to other methods at this time, but that it will become increasingly expensive in the future; that it has been wrapped so completely in an aura of unreason that fine intelligences are completely uprooted when talking about it; that its use in a library weakens the library as a whole by draining off large sums of money for a small return; and that it should be stamped out."

–Ellsworth Mason, "Along the Academic Way," LJ, May 15, 1971"
(See Also:'The great gas bubble prick't; or, Computers revealed' by a Gentleman of Quality [Ellsworth Mason] in College and Research Libraries, 32 (May 1971): 183-196.)